Tom Laundry is Clowning Around

Posted 10/20/16

I know, I know, it’s been awhile since my last post. I’ve been busy with Fantasy Football. My sure-fire picks from months ago have been flops this season. So in between dodging conference calls and executive luncheons, I’ve been trying to rebuild.

Earlier this week I realized all hope is likely gone, so I’ve been struggling with another big decision. No, not who I’m voting for president. Voting is for suckers and I’m not going down that path. Instead I’m trying to figure out what I want to be for Halloween.

I’ve spent hours online at my cubicle going through hundreds of options. The problem is last year I showed up as a Genie in the Lamp, it was deemed inappropriate by human resources. Must have been something about asking my coworkers to rub the lamp that got them in a tizzy.  Can’t make everyone happy, right!  So now I’m trying to decide what I should wear this year.

Everyone seems to be worked up about clowns this year, so naturally, I’m gravitating toward that idea. Sales of clown costumes are up like 300% this year even though some stores are pulling the masks from their shelves.

Not only am I struggling with the costume idea, I’ve also been binge eating Halloween candy. Lindsay down the hall has been bringing in big bags of candy to share. I don’t think she’s figured out I’m emptying the bowl into my briefcase about 10 minutes after she puts it out in the morning. This way I can also pass it out to the trick-or-treaters who come to my apartment. It’s better than the old beer bottle caps and Ramen noodle flavoring packs I handed out last year.
Ooh, Gotta run. Just got an alert from Amazon that a creepy clown costume is up for sale. Happy Halloween.

Tom Laundry is quite possibly the world’s worst employee.  He likes to drunk snap from his cubicle and HR is constantly ruining his mojo, telling him to put his pants back on.  He believes that smoking a little weed on his lunch break makes him a better co-worker and can often be found hiding out in the men’s room with his flask of vodka, eating a bag of cheetos, catching up on Jimmy Fallon tweets.  Follow him on twitter at @TommLaundry where he tweets #BadEmployee tweets with one hand.