Tom E. Laundry: That's Not in My Job Description

It’s been a busy time around the office.  Stephanie is on maternity leave.  Bob just retired.  And Valerie is in the Bahamas for two weeks.  With so many people gone, the boss had the nerve to ask me to help out with some of THEIR responsibilities.  

I told him, “That’s not in my job description.”  He grumbled and mumbled and said something about teamwork, but I really didn’t hear what he said.  I was too busy checking out my eBay auction.  I was competing for a vintage Batman action figure.  I won it by the way, and  I can’t imagine losing out on that just because I was doing something at work that I really wasn’t hired to do.  One might say I am a completist when it comes to my action figure collection but at my job let’s just say I’m more of a minimalist.

Of course, this isn’t the first time bossman has made a crazy request like this.  He once asked me to do an extra project when Phil’s wife had back surgery and Phil needed to take off to take care of her.  Sure, my help would have landed us another account, but I wasn’t getting paid any extra do Phil’s work and again, it’s not in my job description.  I figure there are others here who get paid more than me.  Let them do the extra work.

Those same overachiever co-workers are always helping me get my stuff done.  Sometimes I don’t even have to ask.  It’s like they know I’m not going to finish the project. S tephanie was in labor, but before she could leave for the hospital she had to finish a work thing we had started together.  I should probably send her a flower for that or something.   I had actually nodded off in my cubicle.  But in my defense, we’d been out late the night before celebrating Bob’s retirement.

Lately, I’ve been writing these insightful #BadEmployee articles about myself and posting them to my blog.  I figure since I’m talking about work it’s okay to post from the office.  I don’t have time at home to write this stuff, I have Netflix shows to catch up on.  A new season of Orange is the New Black is right around the corner.  I’m binge watching on my phone here at work and at home.  So I’ve gotta wrap this one up.  Remember, follow me on Twitter @tommlaundry.

  Tom E. Laundry is quite possibly the world’s worst employee.  He likes to drunk snap chat while sitting in his cubicle and HR is constantly ruining his mojo, telling him to put his pants back on.  He believes that smoking a little weed on his lunch break makes him a better co-worker and can often be found hiding out in the men’s room with his flask of vodka, eating a bag of cheetos and catching up on Jimmy Fallon tweets.   Follow him on twitter at @tommlaundry where he tweets #bademployee tweets with one hand.