Funny Things NOT to Say in a Job Interview

“Did she really just say that out loud, in a job interview”?

Why yes.  I’m afraid she did.

Interviewing my share of job candidates, I’ve heard a bad one-liner and an inappropriate outburst coming from the job applicant.   I even once had a job candidate say during the interview,  “What the heck, are you guys obsessed with the color ORANGE  or something?  Gawd, I just absolutely hate the color ORANGE, orange makes me extremely edgy.”

Good to know because our walls are orange, our swag is orange, our letterhead is orange, our envelopes are orange, I was wearing orange, our company shirts are orange, and our logo is… yep… you guess it…. ORANGE!  She did end up taking an orange pen when she left.  Good luck with that, world.

I also had a job candidate show up for her interview wearing yoga pants and a tank top…. but that’s an entirely different blog topic.  

Just for the fun of it, I thought I’d put together a list of Top 20 (Funny) THINGS NOT TO SAY IN A JOB INTERVIEW.    I’m sorta like Letterman…but I’m not famous, nor have I retired…

TOP 20 FUNNY THINGS NOT TO SAY IN A JOB INTERVIEW

1. “So by ‘random’ drug test you mean you’ll give me 36 hours notice, right?”
2. “That’s what SHE said. “
3. “I do my best work, naked.”
4. “In my last job I often brought in gluten-free, sugar free, dairy-free, wheatgrass packed, all-organic home-made baked goodies for my co-workers”
5. “Ermahgerd, I’ve always wondered what ‘HR’ stands for!  So you don’t really have to do that much work then, do you?  Score!  CAKE job!”
6. “Well, I’m really competitive so in 5 years I see myself in your chair, wearing your fine suits… Game on Bruh.”
7. “I gotta 6 pack of beer in the car and it’s getting really hot outside so if we could wrap this up in 10 that would be so rad.”
8. “Rad”
9. “At my last job, HR was always ruining my mojo, telling me to put my pants back on.”
10. “Yes, I do have one more question and I’m gonna write it down this time, can you explain sexual harassment to me again?”
11. “In my last job there was this lady I liked to call ‘Crazy, Hairy-Legged HR Spaz’ …”
12. “Yes, I have been fired but it was just because Sue in Payroll doesn’t have a sense of humor.”
13. “I swear to you I will never photocopy my butt and send the pictures to my boss… ever. Again.”
14. “I really feel like my time served, er I mean my last job – taught me about discipline… and roadside litter removal.”
15. “Like, Oh My God, um, like, um, well, like, wait, what was the question again”
16. “So, uh, do you just ‘say’ you don’t allow drinking on company time, or do you really take that policy seriously?”
17. “Yes I can explain that two year gap in employment.  You see, I was smoking a LOT of pot during that time, really trying to discover my inner being.  But don’t you worry, I only do that on Tuesdays and Thursdays now.”
18. “In 5 years I see my self high as a kite pretty much every day, because recreational marijuana laws are passing left and right.  As a matter of fact, that’s actually why I just moved to this state.”
19. “So when you run my background check, can you make sure it is ran using my Married.  Name.  Only…”
20. (insert curse word here)

If you are an interviewer or recruiter, you’ve heard plenty of one-liner’s yourself and I’d love to hear your favorite #ThingsNotToSayInAJobInterview    You can tweet those directly to me here,  and they might end up in my next list.

Be sure to connect with MBI Worldwide on our social media for industry related tips and tidbits, and an occasional funny thought.  Twitter    Facebook   LinkedIn   Google+

  Kandi Chapman  is an entrepreneur, philanthropist and author.  She is President and Founder of MBI Worldwide, an employment background screening firm.  Kandi has been nationally awarded and recognized for promoting excellent company culture within her organization from The National Women Business Owners Corporation.  She has also received many honors for her community service and volunteerism efforts including the Frank R. Samuel Community Service Award.  Mrs. Chapman is one of St. Louisans Top 100 People To Know To Succeed In Business.  

Disclaimer:  The MBI Worldwide Blog is provided for informational purposes only and should net be used or construed as legal advice.  Any statutes or laws cited in this article should be read in their entirety.  If you or your customers have questions regarding any compliance and obligations under United States or International laws or regulations, we highly suggest that you address these directly with your legal department or outside legal counsel.